You have overcome it long ago, live and enjoy your new life. Right? Well, what about this little voice in the back of your mind? Here’s clarity.
It may be years, you survived the separation and processed. You were brave and reflected. You have moved on and have built up a new, fulfilling life. Maybe alone, maybe with someone else. All is well.
Then suddenly: a message, an encounter, a smell or a thought. Suddenly deep inside the cave of your soul, weird, long-buried emotions are stirring.
And you wonder: Could it possibly be that you never completely overcome and forgot him, has love slumbered for only 1,000 years like a dragon? Or is that just nostalgia and sentimentality, a little journey through time? And what are you doing with that feeling now?
Do not worry, let’s take a look together in peace.
Memories Are Something Nice
To live life means experiencing things. Some of them good, some bad. And you never forget some of them. This includes past relationships. But because love is such a strong feeling and partnerships characterize us, the people involved in it more intensely in mind than, for example, the summer lake many years ago, the scraped knee or the six-plus in math.
So it’s pretty normal and not at all objectionable to think of an ex when it comes to certain triggers – smells are way ahead. Just because your life goes on, you have not been flashed and have automatically forgotten all that has gone before.
“Such memories are totally normal and very nice. After all, we were happy with these people, “says the love and relationship expert Elena Sohn. “You should think only if the flashbacks are rather negative and cause a lot of pain.”
Or if they cause such insatiable longing that you seriously consider attempting another with this person. Because if that is always such a great idea, is quite doubtful.
Do You flee To The Past?
But suppose you are sitting in longing between scented candles and have the emo playlist on. That too is no reason to panic. The important thing is, first of all, the question of what is really behind it: Is it the love for this one person?
“First research, if it has to do with this person or with yourself,” advises Elena’s son. “Often, that’s an indication that things are not going so well in the current relationship or life, and you are mentally” fleeing “into these feelings.” The nostalgic blurring of the past is usually very well suited to this. Everything was better in the old days – this saying is no coincidence.
Are you currently missing fulfillment, meaning, drive, a social network, real emotional closeness, are you looking for a distraction? What else is going on in your life right now? Honest answers to these questions can bring a good dose of light into the emotional darkness.
Is The Repression Strong In You?
If you have thoroughly examined and verified your life and situation, and the answer to all your questions still appears as your face in your mind, then the situation may be serious.
Especially on recurring, longing thoughts over a longer period can be repressed. which means you didn’t forget about the last relationship. Also, if you’re constantly comparing new acquaintances with him – and of course they’re doing worse – then you’re not over him yet.
Surprised? Oh, right? Repression can be a very powerful and important mechanism of the soul. We can only deal with some memories and feelings after some time. And that’s okay.
Sometimes the grief is so great that it takes a long time to die down. Elena Sohn also knows this: “What can happen, is that one is still angry or sad in the memory of this relationship and therefore blocked, that is a form of not being over it yet.”
Love Is Not Everything
If you regularly think about the ex with palpitations and belly-swings, permanently pursue his Instagram stories and are not dealing with deficiency symptoms in your current life or unprocessed separation pain, then it’s time to sit down and weigh up. Above all, the question: why did you split up then?
“Apart from possible feelings you still have, you should honestly ask yourself why this relationship has failed and how great the chances are that it would work this time,” says Elena Sohn. “It sounds hard, but a good relationship requires more than ‘just love.’ So, how constructively could you handle conflict? Could you grow up and grow together? Be tough, be honest, do not cheat on love and confound the past.
It may also be that a lot of time must pass before two people have the right maturity for each other. “Sometimes, years later – often against the background of other experiences – someone realizes how good the relationship with this person from the past was,” says Elena Sohn.
And then? “Only if you see real chances that it could work better this time, you should act,” advises the expert. “Because, if necessary, this also affects third parties – your partner or the other. This should be handled responsibly. “Decisive is not so much the feeling, but the action. If the situation permits a resumption, would that be a good idea?
You Never Overcome Some People
Finally, for some good reasons, there are unfulfilled loves that last a lifetime. Some people move into the heart and stay there. But that does not mean that everything is terrible and no room for other loved ones. Important are generosity and forbearance with yourself and others, acceptance and acceptance.
So you can not go beyond your ex and still have a nice, happy life. You can also let several people live in your heart at the same time. after all, We are not computers, it’s not all zero or one and nothing in between; it’s more of a both. Especially in love.