A couple involves two people, who decide to project together in life. For this, it is essential that the couple build a series of solid and robust pillars, on which they can rely to build all their common projects.
Negotiation and agreement are the cement. Love, respect, and understanding are like the bricks of these pillars.
Why A Couple May Not Work?
Often, couple relationships fail because these famous pillars of the couple collapse, or because the couple never tried to establish these pillars. Thus, they have no base that would bring them the stability and security they need.
As a result, failure is often due to a lack of agreement between the two members of the couple. The structure that is supposed to maintain them is non-existent and the base that should support them is absent.
When To Establish These Pillars Of The Couple?
It is important that the pillars of the couple are established at the beginning of the relationship when the members of the couple discover themselves and get to know each other. At this point, it is essential to have a dialogue, to know each other and to find satisfactory agreements for both.
When Should We Review And Analyze These Pillars?
The pillars of the couple are like truck wheels. If a pillar collapses for any reason, it’s important to see them all again because the couple is now in danger.
Often, the couple continues a little even if there are no more pillars, with all the disadvantages that imply, until they eventually break.
The breakup is then very painful because time has not helped them to find each other again, and advancing without a pillar has only added to problems in an already fragile relationship.
The 9 Fundamental Pillars Of A Couple
In a couple, there are usually 9 main pillars. However, if the couple decides otherwise, there may be as many as they wish. There is therefore at least 9, which we detail below. These pillars are essential for the couple to be fulfilled and happy.
1. Love Comes First
Love is an absolutely essential pillar. To establish this pillar, it is imperative that this feeling towards the other be present, just as love must be reciprocal.
For Love to become a solid and secure pillar, it will be necessary to realize that over the years and the stages of the couple, this feeling will vary and manifest itself differently. However, if the rest of the pillars are stable, time will strengthen that feeling of love.
Communication makes it possible to solve the differences and it will be more important if you make decisions in pairs, by finding satisfactory agreements for both people.
It is important to establish moments only two, so that the couple communicates, shares and makes decisions together because this pillar is essential for the rest of the pillars to be maintained.
Communicating implies listening and expressing one’s feelings, a basic pillar to really knowing oneself and building trust between the two members of the couple.
In a couple that lasts, the respect between the two people is implicit and grows daily.
To respect the other is to grow together, at the rhythm of the other, without constraints, without expecting anything from the other, without emotional dependence and without aggression. If respect is there, then love and communication have their place as well.
4. The Scale Of Values
Each person has his own scale of values. When you start a relationship, you have to build a common scale of values, which may be different from the one you set up alone, or come close to it.
In any case, it will be necessary to establish the values of the couple on which you will be able to base yourself to build common projects
5. Shared life – Sharing
Each couple arrives one day at the stage of life together. If the question arises, it is important that the couple has spoken beforehand and that they have agreed on certain points. Thus, when the moment comes, both members will be sure of their trajectory.
Well before this stage comes to fruition, it is essential to agree on some essential points that this pillar involves: finances, sharing, distribution of domestic tasks, organization of the living space, etc.
6. Stay Yourself
Being in a relationship does not mean that you can stop being yourself. For that, it is important to clearly express who you are, what you like, your opinions, your ideology, your individual values, your social relations, etc.
The couple must be a safe place where you can be yourself, exchanging, sometimes sharing with your other half, and sometimes keeping things for yourself (time, space, hobbies, etc.).
In any healthy relationship, personal freedom is essential. Each person of the couple is free to decide if they want to continue in the relationship or not, and what will be the pillars of their relationship. You do not lose your freedom, you win a person with whom to share it.
8. Dreams And Common Projects
A couple flourishes when they have projects and goals in common. The fact of starting a family is an example.
When a couple decides to share their plans and fight to make it happen but it fails, the feeling of union between the two will bring them together and make them stronger. In addition, at two we go much further than alone.
Moving towards one’s goal may not be easy every day. However, this can be very satisfying if the other pillars are robust and provide strength and security to the couple.
Compromise and responsibility do not limit freedom, but reinforce personal worth when fighting and eventually getting what you want in your life.
Fidelity is an agreement and a way of conceiving one’s sexual and affective relationships. The couple must then decide how to approach and establish this pillar, to reach a mutual agreement, in which the two members will feel good and confident.