Looking for a soul mate for a wedding, and now you wonder if it would not be him or her … You met him on a site or hastily noted his number. Leaving a party, and a few moments later, comes the hour of your first face to face, here are ten pitfalls to avoid so that this first meeting is rich and respectful of the other. “
It is not a matter of giving advice since each person is unique and there is no magic formula for a meeting to end in love at first sight or marriage. Alchemy is more complex. If there was however a recommendation prior to any first appointment, it would be to put in an attitude of “free of charge compared to the other”, as evoked by Olivier Orna, An attitude where we do not expect anything from the other and where we are happy to meet him, to share his daily life and his interests for a drink or an exhibition. An attitude that, in addition to being respectful, guarantees a clear reduction of stress!
1- Being Neglected
Although the keywords of a first date are relaxation and authenticity, avoid jogging or wear the t-shirt with which you have made your jogging. Being clean, primed and styled are excellent first steps. On the other hand, Olivier Orna emphasizes, “you have to be careful not to be too much of a Sunday. This can quickly suggest a game of seduction or conquest. But in a first meeting, we are not on this ground, we are in the discovery, the free, the authenticity “. So be neat and wear a proper outfit, true to your dress style and your personality.
2- Arrive Very Late
Popular opinion tends to advise women to “wait” but do not overdo it! A few minutes ok, but half an hour, it’s rude! The gentleman may have better things to do than wait for you, and besides, you are considered pretentious, unfaithful or at best disorganized. Gentlemen, in your case, you spend more than all that for guzzlers. At first glance, this is not very promising.
3– Talk About one’s Past Experiences
Unfortunate subject to not under any circumstances to discuss during a first appointment: your past love experiences. They do not really interest the person you have in front of you and lead the atmosphere generating malaise and comparison. When one of the interlocutors begins to feel sorry for himself about his life, his broken engagement, his love failures or his widowhood, the person opposite closes almost instantly. Olivier Orna notes that “sometimes, people engage so much that the other does not want to receive all this past so heavy to bear”. Be careful also that such confidences do not make you pass for a butterfly that goes foraging from flower to flower and is unable to attach faithfully and permanently. Even if your modestly shared experiences say something about you or about your story.
4– Going To The Restaurant
This is the classic place and yet it seems that other places are acclaimed by singles. First, a dinner in the restaurant can be very long if your companion or companion does not correspond at all to his profile. Some people prefer to have coffee to have a quick escape. The founder of Theotokos notes that the meeting places that are currently popular are the exhibitions. The atmosphere is undoubtedly more relaxed, it is a public place and therefore secure, in which you have a feeling of freedom perhaps more pronounced than in an intimate face-to-face. You do not look at yourself as a faience dog, but you look “together, in the same direction”. Proposals for walks in lost corners or mountain hikes should be avoided for the first time because they do not really put a woman in confidence.
5- Show Too Much Eagerness
Saying “I love you” at the end of the first meeting or kissing passionately the first night seems a bit premature. Olivier Orna invites singles to take the time to discover the other, to discern, to walk, rather than trying to take something from the other. “The keyword for a good date,” he says, “is free.” It is the joy of discovering the other without expecting anything from her or from him in return, neither a kiss, nor a meal, nor a cinema spot.
6- The Let Pay
Decency requires that it be the man who invites, especially if it is he who proposed the appointment. That being said, some women insist on paying, not wanting anything to the man. In this case, make half-half. But gentlemen, do not let her settle the bill alone, sketch at least one gesture towards your wallet. Do not make the shot of him who has forgotten it, it does not work.
7- Present one’s Parents
It happens … and does not do very good! Some parents, desperate for the monastic life of their son or daughter, register them against their will on a dating site. They give the change the time of the preliminaries but when the time of the appointment arrives, it is necessary to send the recalcitrant in the first line. And sometimes the latter does not think better than to come with the conspirators, who then constantly extolled the qualities of their toddler, his professional situation and real estate. There is no better way to pass for an immature being and to put the pressure on, especially when the mother already sees herself as grandmother and demands that her grandson bears the name of the great-great-uncle.
8- Being Aggressive
Whether for a waiter because the plate is cold or hot, avoid being aggressive or violent at the slightest skirmish. Prefer humor, this is a much better effect!
9- Watch The Watch During The Appointment
Politeness requires, watching her watch is really a sign that you are bored. Have the decency to wait until the end of the glass to delicately decline an upcoming interview.
10- Consider The Other As one’s Future Spouse
It may be important, before each meeting, to remember the following: “You do not meet your future husband or wife, but just a person with whom you will discuss what your dailies, your passions, your projects … do not put pressure on yourself. The challenge of this meeting is simply to get to know someone, without him wearing the oversized suit of a future spouse or future wife.