Do you know the need to do it all right, not to be able to say no and always put one’s wishes behind? And do you sometimes wonder why you always have to please others while the rest of the world does not seem to have a problem with it? Grab a cup of tea and sit back, because now you’ll find out why you want to please everyone and what you can do with it.
Do you recognize yourself in this behavior?
- You go into a movie that does not interest you because your girlfriend wants to see it?
- You have decided to study, which you do not love, because your parents are satisfied with it?
- Are you working overtime instead of going home on time because you think your boss is expecting that?
- Do you always take on the tasks of colleagues instead of looking after your own project?
- You let your partner decide how you spend the evening, even though you wanted something different?
If so, you are most likely among the people who always want to please everyone.
Why You Want To Please Everyone
One thing is clear. You are not constantly trying to please everyone because it feels so good.
No. Rather, the following reasons are responsible for the fact that you can not stop trying to please everyone.
1. Because You Need Recognition
We all need that. This evolutionary remnant ensures that we still have a panic fear of marginalization today. We want to be accepted and recognized in the community. That’s why our behavior is guided by the expectations that others place on us. We wear certain garments or work in desired jobs. We want them to like us. We want to belong.
2. Because You Were Brought Up That Way
The company influences us. But we are much more affected by our direct environment, the people we grew up with. For example, there are our parents: As small children, we depend on their affection. That’s why we do everything to be liked and not criticized. You may have often heard from your parents that you should not be so prominent that you should always help others and that you should always be friendly and helpful. Gradually, inner beliefs have emerged that you may not even be aware of, such as:
- I’m only adorable when I help others and support them.
- It is not necessary to advance one’s own interests.
- My wishes and needs are unimportant.
- I have to do something for others to be recognized.
And after that, you will judge yourself today. You believe that others only like you when you read their wishes from their eyes. You believe that your partner can only stand it with you if you always dance to his tune. You believe you are a good mother only when you sacrifice yourself for your children.
3. Because You have Low Self-esteem
If you think you are not gracious and valuable, you will neglect yourself more in favor of others. You then think that others are more important and therefore you have to take care of them first. With a negative image of yourself, the recognition of others is even more important to you, which is why you are constantly trying to please everyone.
4. Because It’s Designed In Your Personality
Also, your personality can reinforce your behavior to please everyone. Among the five main dimensions of personality is the factor compatibility. You describe how friendly, helpful, considerate and cooperative one is by his personality. The stronger this factor is in your personality, the greater your need to please everyone.
And maybe you’re wondering if that’s a wrong thing. But, to be friendly and helpful are wonderful qualities.
And yes. That’s you.
We also live in a community and we depend on it to get on well with others. Small favors get friendship. In every partnership compromises are necessary and also in the working environment, one drives better to give in sometimes than always stubbornly wanting to enforce his opinion. Let the girlfriend decide the movie is absolutely no problem.
It becomes a problem if you always do it!
If you only do what the others want. If you always give in and put your needs behind.
Why You Should Stop Trying To Please Everyone
The price of this behavior is high.
We harm ourselves, our health and our relationships.
Let’s take a look at the consequences. How much does it cost you if you always put others in the foreground and take back yourself?
1. You Exhaust Yourself
Clear. If you always care about everyone else’s needs, your needs will be cut short. For example, you drive the kids to football training or help the neighbor at the renovation out instead of taking a break.
While you sacrifice yourself for others, you fall down the back. You exhaust yourself. At some point, the body and soul can not take the mission away. Burnout and depression can be the result.
Also, Read: The Healthy Narcissism
2. You Are Stressed
If you are constantly trying to please others because you believe that only then you will be accepted and get recognition, you consume a lot of energy. The facade must always be maintained. You have to pretend to like things that you do not like.
All this leads to the release of stress hormones in the blood. This is compounded by the constant fear of rejection and of saying or doing something that could create conflict.
3. You Become Dissatisfied
How satisfied can you be, if you are mainly busy doing things that you do not want to do, that does not interest you and that you do not like? On top of that: Especially when you put others first, you rarely get a “thank you” for it. Your children do not understand how much you take back for them. And your colleague? He more or less expects you to help him because eventually you always do.
So while you are constantly doing too much, you will not even get gratitude for all your efforts. That makes dissatisfied.
Also, Read: 7 Reasons To Clean Up A Toxic Relationship
And then there’s one more point: No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to please everyone. Because all the people in your environment have different expectations of you. Do you drive the kids to training, they are happy, but your friend is angry because you cancel your appointment. If you accept the job as a teacher because then your father is satisfied, you annoy at the same time your internship boss, who would like to take you in the agency.
You’re already doing everything to please others, but they’re still leaving their displeasure with you.
4. You Get a Negative Self-image
And then there’s the problem with the negative self-image.
- I mean, how is it for you to know that your needs come last?
- How does it feel to always say “yes”, even though you would like to scream “no”?
- What does it matter to you to be there for everyone, but not to be there at all?
- What are the consequences that your wishes and goals are ignored?
It does not feel good to always be at the bottom of the league. Every time you fail to say “no” and every time you bend over to others, you lose a little more self-esteem. After all, you keep showing yourself that the others are more important.
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5. You Are Not Respected
Not only do you lose respect for yourself. Even your environment will soon get used to the fact that they are allowed to deal badly with you. Because you allow it.
We respect people who respect themselves. People who know their value and defend it from others. Now, if someone comes along and always says yes to everything, you can feel very quickly that behind it is low self-esteem. One senses that this person is insecure, afraid of rejection and not standing by himself.
You see, sacrificing yourself for others leads to dissatisfaction, problems, and suffering. It is not a healthy and fulfilling life strategy!
It does not make you a better person either. To sacrifice oneself for others and to miss each time is not a sign of charity, but a lack of self-care. Instead of showing that you have a good heart, you show that you do not respect yourself.
If you feel that way, you can first recognize that you are important! Just as important as your fellow human beings. That’s why you deserve the same respect, love, and care.