What Is Healthy Narcissism?
Everybody has narcissistic parts. To the right extent, such properties are not harmful either. Self-confidence, self-esteem, and above all, self-love are prerequisites for a healthy, stable psyche and a positive, better world. But this also means that one is out there, aware of the responsibility for all others and the inner love passes on to the outside, while someone with a pathological narcissistic disorder can not.
Healthy narcissists can take, but also give.
They accept others as they are, they are balanced, empathetic, honest and proud of their achievements, but not overbearing.
What Is Unhealthy Narcissism?
Unhealthy narcissism has narcissistic features in a very extreme form that cause quarrels, envy, jealousy, violence, crime, war, hatred and insurmountable conflicts.
Here are a few notes on how to detect pathological narcissists in your environment and thus avoid them, or to minimize contact (if there is no other option) to protect yourself from exploitation and loss of energy.
Unfortunately, I have found that they are more likely to be found on executive floors, that they are also in social professions, and also in areas where there are spiritual followers, where there are people who call themselves “conscious” or “awakened”.
In short, you find them everywhere, even where you do not expect them.
people are particularly attracted to narcissists and are most at risk because they find it difficult to love themselves or “save” themselves.
However, a narcissist can only be helped if he recognizes his problem, which usually will not happen because he believes he is perfect and the best.
The behaviors listed below are important in all areas of life (colleagues, friends, family, partners, etc.).
If you feel that you need to bend strongly in contact with someone to sustain it and you can not be authentic, honest, be careful and have a closer look at who your counterpart is.
What Causes Narcissism?
- partly genetically conditioned
- Triggers are found especially in childhood. on the first hand a lack of tenderness, attention, and rejection affliction by the parents. and on the other hand, an excessive amount of attention, pampering, and praise for the child.
- A narcissistic personality disorder arises when the child learns to suppress and adapt to their wishes and needs because it only receives recognition and affection, or it can live it without hindrance since no limits are imposed on it. If the child is not loved for its sake, but it experiences “love” only under the condition not learn to accept and love yourself the way it is. Self-esteem and self-love can not develop, which is rarely known to him as an adult. The child believes that something is wrong with him as it is, otherwise, it would be treated differently by adults and thus develop guilt feelings. So, learn to adapt to their imagination to get attention, attention, and love.
- Narcissists have very low self-esteem, a self-love deficit and are very vulnerable. They no longer pay attention to the inner voice but have adapted to external ideas and opinions so that they are emotionally impoverished. By doing so they project everything negative into other people to value themselves.
What Are The Signs Of Narcissism?
- Narcissists can be very intriguing at first sight, charming and accommodating, they give you incredible compliments, give you lots of attention, attention, etc. The tighter the bond becomes, the more they value you to value yourself.
- The others are always to blame, never him! He is convinced that he is right. His views also apply to everyone else from his perspective. His established rules apply to everyone but do not always stick to it.
- Narcissists are convinced to be irreplaceable and unique. They think that they are only special. “respected” persons or institutions can be understood or even with such contact may have or want.
- They fantasize about limitless success, power, the dream of ideal love and are hungry for recognition (even if they have not “earned” them in terms of their achievements and want to be recognized as superior). Own achievements and talents are exaggerated.
- Others react enviously and believe that others envy them.
- Narcissists tolerate absolutely no criticism, even constructive ones. They then react incredibly angry, aggressive, try to decimate the critic or retire depressed.
- Extreme self-love and extreme lack of or no empathy – he unconsciously, sometimes consciously (as a means to an end) constantly doing something that hurts you. This makes it incredibly difficult to be with such a person, let alone have a relationship. Narcissists are unable to relate and are fearful of binding. He will not put his needs behind for a family or his children.
- Strong egomania and egocentricity are other abnormalities. Everything revolves around him and he takes you. He sees himself as the center of attention and is only interested in himself, not others and neglects them.
- The narcissist wants a special treatment that responds to his expectations and demands too much from his counterparts. Taking is his strength, giving is not for him. he gives, to serve something for himself in return. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will mostly give and he will take until you are exhausted or you already pull the emergency brake. If you have nothing more to give him, he will “drop you” and look for someone else.
- They twist your perception, communicate constantly unclear, deceive -, cheat – and lie to you and are unfaithful.
- They behave arrogantly and arrogantly. Others are permanently devalued to value themselves.
- Relationships and contacts serve them as a means to an end, to realize your own goals, even if you believe it is a great love. They exploit other people, eg. B. emotional or live at their expense. The “positive” and loving qualities of the people around him are used by him to balance his deficit and to fill in the “holes” in himself, which can never succeed.
- If you want to break up, he will not let you go that easy. Since narcissists can not stand it when someone rejects them, he will take some sort of revenge. If he separates, then without explanation and warning.
Characteristics Of Female Narcissism
Female narcissism is more likely to affect women and tends to be hidden. Men often show the open, outward-worn shape.
He is characterized by a lack of self-love and a lack of self-esteem and is recognizable only on closer inspection. Self-esteem varies greatly between megalomania and inferiority. The constant recognition of others is essential to support it. You are always looking for what others think of you. Things are usually done to please others. Own wishes and needs are denied.
In relationships, such women either give themselves up completely or live autonomously and alone. Are you in a relationship, They constantly fluctuate between proximity and distance, because they do not feel satisfied in any condition for a long time? There is an inner dilemma between dependency and independence that is not undermined by a relationship.
They believe that they have to be perfect because they believe that others love them not because of their person but because of something they have (good looks), ability or others.
A lot of time and energy are put into appearance and nutrition to achieve “perfection”.
However, things are constantly being found that are still perceived as a flaw. The body is constantly blamed if someone leans against it.
Outwardly, they are always in a good mood and have a strong impact. That’s just a sham.
Characteristics Of Male Narcissism
Male narcissism is characterized by megalomaniacal, impatient and sometimes highly aggressive and paranoid behavior. Such a person completely loses the ground of reality and wants the sole rule in a group or community. To assert his interests, he also uses violence or even tyrannizing means.
Other signs are extreme lack of empathy (merciless, exploitative, sadistic behavior), no sense of responsibility to others and even to oneself, lies, sneaking without remorse and guilt use of cold empathy (serves only as a means to an end, for example, to get recognition), pronounced envy, constant devaluation, – oppression and humiliation of others. In principle, he lives only according to his rules, not according to those of society or the state.
Malignant narcissists, in particular, are unable to express feelings – neither to others nor to themselves – through their stunted own feelings. Also, they are only able to perceive something as “black or white” or perceive extremes and not the fine gradations in between. That is, they consider something either terrific or miserable.
Also, Read How To Stop Complaining All The Time In 2020
How To Protect And Handle A Narcissistic Person
- Recognize narcissism and become aware of his feelings of inferiority, to take power from him, but also to remain empathetic and to show understanding for him. he is an incredibly injured inner child.
- Keep the contact as low as possible or separate yourself if you, your self-esteem and your health are better off. This is an act of self-love and may mean that you should find a new job, maybe break off contact with parents, partners, etc.
- Do you want or you have to keep the contact, do not let him manipulate you. Consider contact objectively. He can manipulate a narcissist very well and cast a spell over you so that in the end you can walk on paths you did not want to go. Set friendly and consistent clear boundaries and represent your beliefs, set for your needs. Stay independent and do not let yourself be impounded. The narcissist will try to talk you out of anything he does not like.
- If you feel that you need to bend contact with someone to sustain it and you can not be authentic, honest, be careful and keep distance as low as possible, disconnect if possible.
- Be sure to seek contact with people who will do you good, who will accept you as you are, strengthen you, be honest with you, empathize with others. A narcissist will exploit you and draw your energy and You will never be good enough or equal to him. He always sees himself as better and superior and will always find “new weaknesses” in him that he will keep in mind. Realize your value and do not let it destroy your self-esteem.
- Use praise only when appropriate.
- Not listening to him or ignoring him makes him angry. He loves flattery.
- If you have a narcissistic boss, you should not criticize him if you want to keep your job or praise him beforehand and then carefully apply your request.
- A narcissist speaks of all kinds of plans, but is very jumpy and contradicts himself constantly. Do not take him so seriously.
- Never take his seizure or criticism personally and do not argue with him! He will discuss it until he has “won”. Stay friendly, determined and respectful. Do not expect that from him. You can get out of this situation if he B. screams or humiliates.
Narcissists And Therapy
- Building self-esteem and self-love
- Psychotherapy is essential in severe cases. However, a narcissist may not be ready for therapy because they do not perceive their behavior as a problem and suffer from it. He would rather claim that everyone else needed treatment.
- During therapy, The narcissist expects special treatment and will try to manipulate the therapist into a certain behavior. the therapist must recognize this needs and respond to them, but also set clear limits and treat it notwithstanding impolite or disrespectfulness, so that a positive self-image can develop by the person concerned that he is still accepted or appreciated.
You may want to read
- Great Narcissists: Four Faces Of “I”
- Clash Of Instincts: New Way Of Understanding Our Instincts
- The Healthy Narcissism
- 6 Masks of a narcissist