Compulsive narcissists offer more than one face. To each type, his vision of himself and his way of imposing it on others.
He is often infuriating as, to hear, he does everything better than everyone else! Do you play tennis? He too – but his reverse is prettier. Did you like a book? He has read it before you, and his opinion is necessarily richer than yours … For the essential thing about him is less the desire to shine than the desire to be, always, the first. Refusing the very idea of failure, the competitor conceives of other human relationships than those dictated by rivalry and domination.
One can easily imagine the damage that this attitude can engender in a company that promotes such behavior, especially in some commercial – limitless “killers”, convinced that life is limited to this alternative: kill or be killed. The competitor, therefore, lives under permanent internal pressure, motivating for himself and exhausting for others, “admiring, sometimes fascinated by this energy … which ends up being however unlivable in everyday life,” notes Laurent Schmitt.
Especially as, in the family, the competitor is wreaking havoc. As for this doctor, himself a doctor’s son, to whom his father had instilled the idea that, “when you are second, you do not care about anyone”, and who ended up in depression because he had fewer patients only dad.
His side has seen you enough to be identified at first glance: fashionable shirt, trendy sunglasses, he (or she!) Loves to flaunt his smartphone, his car out the price, even … his children as if it were an object among others. He likes to stage and shine constantly, sometimes, to express his ego by fading, at least in appearance, behind another – a cool and pretty mistress or a young ephebe …
Bernard Tapie is the archetype, as was in his time Alma Mahler, who, after a first marriage with the illustrious musician, has successively lived with Walter Gropius, founder of the Bauhaus, the painter Oskar Kokoschka and finally the writer Franz Werfel. But it also happens that the narcissism of one strengthens that of the other. We are dealing with a “couple of flamboyant” such … Bernard-Henri Levy and Arielle Dombasle!
He advances masked, but make no mistake: behind an apparent simplicity hides a grandiose vision of himself. At school, he puts himself in the back of the class, convinced that the teacher will spot it in the first lesson. As a teenager, he never takes the first step, convinced that his qualities will be seen without even having to show them. A little like those “old girls who hope, until the end of their lives, that the Prince Charming finally come to take them out of their mediocre life!” adds Laurent Schmitt.
Hence, often, a feeling of frustration, hurt pride that can cause the shy in a deep depression as it feels to be misunderstood by the rest of the world. Worse: even if it happens to-sometimes- to be finally recognized at its “fair value”, it does not usually last very long, since “no glance, so loving it is, can not live up to the one that he carries on himself, “says the specialist. The life of this discreet, dissatisfied and proud idealist is definitely not a long calm river …
Dangerous, he will stop at nothing to achieve his ends. Until instrumentalize his relatives who are, in his eyes, less human beings (like him) that a means or a springboard for his own success. This is the good friend you bring into your company and who will later take advantage of your sick leave to bite you the folder you were working on while ensuring that it is for nothing in all this! Or again, this “best friend” willing to do anything to comfort your wife, including sleeping with her, not to hurt you but because she was unhappy …
Very intelligent, he will not hesitate to use his (very) great capacity of seduction to ensure a real grip on those around him. In this, he approaches the narcissistic pervert, of whom he shares the capacity to deny the other as a subject. A detail close: he, at least, does not experience enjoyment to hurt.